It can be hard to pick out warning signs of abuse or be able to tell if a relationship will become abusive. Often, abusive relationships start out the same way healthy ones do – with a honeymoon period where you are doing fun things together, getting to know one another better, and falling in love.
But, there are warning signs of abuse. Even if you feel like everything is going well, but you see or experience one or two of these behaviors below, it can be a red flag that your relationship may be abusive. If you have concerns about your relationship, or about a loved one, contact us and we can help: 206-737-0242.
Is This Abuse?
Did your relationship:
- Get intense really fast?
- Take over your life, crowding out other people and activities you love?
Do you:
- Worry that your relationship isn’t healthy?
- Dread going home?
- Feel afraid of your partner?
- Go to great lengths to avoid making your partner angry?
- Feel like you can’t do anything right in your relationship?
- Feel like you have no control over your life?
- Feel emotionally numb, or overwhelmed or helpless because of your relationship?
- Worry about the safety of others you love?
- See that your connections to friends and family are shrinking?
- No longer do activities you love?
Does your partner:
- Criticize you for little things?
- Blame you for their actions?
- Call you names, put you down or humiliate you?
- Demand to know where you are at all times?
- Control what you do or where you go?
- Force you to stop seeing family or friends?
- Get jealous for no reason?
- Control your money?
- Manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do?
- Do things to make you feel like you’re going crazy?
- Trap you, or limit your movement in your home?
- Try to sabotage your job or other activities you care about?
- Force you to either take or stop taking birth control?
- Force you to use alcohol or drugs?
- Force you to do something illegal?
- Threaten to turn you in to immigration authorities?
- Threaten to hurt you, your child, other family members or your pet?
- Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
- Display a gun or other weapon to send a message to you?
- Force you to have sex?
- Hit, punch, grab, push, burn, strangle or otherwise physically hurt you?
What Abuse Looks Like
Sometimes it’s easier to see similarities in our relationships when we hear another person’s story. Below are some survivors’ stories about the abuse they experienced. If you feel like your partner does some of these same things, or if your relationship resembles any of these, you may be experiencing abuse.
Erika's Story
Erika began using a wheelchair at age 16 after being injured in a car accident. She worked hard to become independent and was excited to meet and fall in love with Robert as she was finishing college. Within a week of meeting, he told her he loved her. They soon moved in together.
The abuse started within a year, especially after Robert insisted they rent an apartment with limited wheelchair assess. “You have me,” he assured her, “you don’t need anyone else.” They moved into a cheap 3rd floor apartment with tight hallways and only one elevator that stopped working at least once every couple of weeks.
Erika felt her independence slipping away, and she lost her job after missing too many days due to transportation issues. Robert would come home from work angry, calling her “lame,” “useless,” and a “burden on society.” He once shoved her down, leaving her stuck on the floor for hours until she begged him to help her back into her chair.
If any of these things are happening to you, you are experiencing abuse. Call our 24-hour Helpline at 206-737-0242 anytime to talk to an advocate for support.
Taylor's Story
When Taylor met Nathan, he seemed too good to be true. They liked the same music, enjoyed going to the same concerts and festivals, even loved all the same foods. Nathan brought flowers and a present to Taylor on their second date, he said he already knew Taylor was the one for him and that he loved him.
They started spending all their free time together, and it felt natural to move in together. Soon after that, Nathan wanted to know where Taylor was at all times. If Nathan sent Taylor a text or called him, he expected Taylor to answer or respond right away. If Taylor didn’t, Nathan would accuse him of cheating. Nathan’s jealousy was constant and he started showing up at Taylor’s office unannounced to make sure he was where he said he was. If they went out to dinner, Taylor was accused of flirting with the server.
Even when they were at home just the two of them, Taylor could never seem to do anything right. The glass of water he gave Nathan was too cold, he didn’t fold the towels the right way, he was breathing too loudly. It got to the point that Taylor dreaded going home after work—he didn’t know what he’d be coming home to. Would Nathan be in a good mood or a bad mood? Would he be kind and loving, or would he be mean and distant? Going home felt more stressful than being at work.
If any of these things are happening to you, you are experiencing abuse. Call our 24-hour Helpline at 206-737-0242 anytime to talk to an advocate for support.
Shonda's Story
Shonda met Andre at a work conference when she was 25, and they quickly fell in love.
Within four months, they had moved in together and were married. When Shonda got pregnant with their son, Andre demanded that Shonda quit her job. After she was a stay-at-home mom, Andre began controlling their finances, giving Shonda an allowance and requiring receipts and exact change for every dollar she spent. Andre also started checking her cell phone and reading her text messages every evening.
Andre became more aggressive and one day, he threw a shoe at Shonda’s head. She told him she wanted to leave. He immediately started crying and told her he would kill himself if she left.
If any of these things are happening to you, you are experiencing abuse. Call our 24-hour Helpline at 206-737-0242 anytime to talk to an advocate for support.
Luciana's Story
Luciana moved to Seattle with her husband, Lucas, who had legal status. He refused to file the paperwork so she could be here legally too.
Lucas was very controlling. He checked the odometer on the car every day to make sure she was only going to the places he allowed her to go that day—to drop the kids off at school or go grocery shopping. Lucas was physically violent to Luciana most days, hitting and pinching her, and sometimes even strangling her until she passed out.
Luciana picked up the phone to call the cops one night, and Lucas told her he’d tell them she was here illegally and she’d be the one to get arrested. He also told her that if she ever tried to leave, he’d make sure that she’d never see her kids again. Even if she wasn’t deported, he would make sure he got full custody. He even threatened to kill their cat if she left.
If any of these things are happening to you, you are experiencing abuse. Call our 24-hour Helpline at 206-737-0242 anytime to talk to an advocate for support.
Evan's Story
Evan and Kira had been together for years before the abuse started. They always had done so much together—played in soccer leagues, had monthly dinner parties with friends, spent time with both of their families. But, after they had their daughter, things changed.
Now that they had the baby, Kira didn’t want to be at home with the baby alone. She would get angry and call Evan horrible names if he wanted to go out with some friends, or to his nephew’s birthday party. It even happened if people were coming over to their house. One time, they had planned to host a dinner party, but two hours before, Kira got mad at Evan and started screaming at him and breaking their dishes. He called his friends and cancelled the dinner. Soon, Evan didn’t see his friends or family very often. It was easier to turn down invitations than to get into a fight, and eventually, the invitations stopped. Evan felt isolated.
It wasn’t long before Kira started hitting Evan. One time when they were arguing, she shoved him down the stairs. Another time, she threw a book at him. When she did this, she would always tell him that if he called the police, they wouldn’t believe him and that she would scratch or hurt herself so that it looked like he was to blame.
If any of these things are happening to you, you are experiencing abuse. Call our 24-hour Helpline at 206-737-0242 anytime to talk to an advocate for support.
If any of these things are happening to you, you are experiencing abuse.
Remember:
You deserve to be safe and treated with respect.
You deserve to feel in control of your life.
Abuse is not your fault.
You are not alone.
There is help.
Call our 24-hour Helpline at 206-737-0242 anytime to talk with a trained Advocate. We are here for you.
